The Jackie Blog

I set myself up for total failure today.  I really did.

I often have these moments of struggle between Day Jackie and Night Jackie.  Day Jackie has a full time job, pays bills, and generally attempts to be a respectable person, while Night Jackie is crazy and doesn’t know what the point is of Day Jackie if she can’t enjoy herself along the way.

I spend any time I have between Day and Night Jackie wondering what I’m doing with my life.

Like today, for example.  When I went to be at 3am the night before without a blog written or a pair of clean underwear today.

What’s truly magical about Night Jackie is that she doesnt’ grasp the magnitude of her absurdism  because she never has to reap the consequence of it.  Consequences are for Day Jackie.    And the reality of the situation is that sometimes Night Jackie just doesn’t feel like doing laundry.   She minimalizes its importance with relation to the grand scheme of life, assuming that things will just work themselves out the next morning.

Leaving it for Day Jackie.

Of course, Day Jackie can’t fix all the problems that are left for her.  What does one do without a blog post or clean underwear and only an hour between wake and work to fix them both? 

The answer, unfortunately, is to wear a dress, which allows the existence of a slip, which is a lot like underwear, so long as your hemline is long enough and you keep your legs crossed.   Of course, the dress is not really work-appropriate because of it’s questionable neckline, but it can be toned down with a drab, gray cardigan.

Cardigans cover a multitude of sins.

No clothes/no underwear crisis solved.   And you know what? Day Jackie also reckoned her best bet was to piggyback on that tidbit to crank out the post that Night Jackie ignored.  Both problems have been sufficiently, though temporarily, addressed.  Day Jackie should probably go immediately home right after work to get some laundry done before Night Jackie shows up.

After all, this was her last clean dress.  ♣

Tags: 365 Project, blogging, Humor, life, musings, postaday2011

Sure, I could have picked a cute little rat. There are plenty of them. But these wrinkles and red eyes were just irresistible. Look at that nekkid pink back. Like an old man's buttocks.

Hey, I’m feeling bolder and slightly more enlightened.  It must be Tuesday.

Happy Lollipop Tuesday folks.

I seem to have some fresh faces (where do you all keep coming from!?) so allow me to direct you to the top of the page where there’s a link labeled “What’s Lollipop Tuesday?”  That should help soothe your pounding cerebrum.  In the meantime, I will regale everyone else with my venture into a white, unmarked van.

Okay, it wasn’t really a van, and it certainly wasn’t unmarked, but I’ve always felt just as creepy about it nonetheless.

You see, there’s this Research-Mobile thing that is sometimes parked in random places around the city that has Carnegie Mellon University splattered all over the sides of it.  It’s a lot like an RV but instead of a family, it’s carrying students.  And instead of a home inside, there’s a sort of research lab.  And instead of traversing the country it really just goes somewhere, squats, and returns to the University.   So I guess it isn’t really anything like an RV except that it looks like one.  It has none of the traditionally assumed properties and thus cannot be defined by the Robin Williams movie title.

I’m just full of all sorts of falsehoods today.

Anyway I never knew any of those things because I’m a big ol’ chicken.   Once in a while I would see the mobile parked around town and I’d wonder what it was all about but I never had the nerve to approach it.  To be frank, it scared the bejeezus out of me.  You can’t see in side, you don’t know what will happen to you once you get in there, and you have no idea what the people will be like who are undoubtedly in their participating in something or other.

It sounded like torture, to be honest.

But let’s get real here: I have twelve Lollipop Tuesdays to go until I can be done forever.  So when a stranger asked me this weekend if I’d hop on her research RV and get experimented on, I was totally up for it.

As it turns out, the research-mobile wasn’t so scary.  I would still argue that windows might help it not seem so creepy.  And there’s a certain sense of claustrophobia that takes over about halfway through the testing, but aside from that it wasn’t too bad.  They happened to be doing a research on light bulbs.  They were attempting to assess how educated the typical consumer is on light bulb choices and the impact of certain bulbs on the environment.  They factored in price, color, lumens, wattage… I know more about light bulb terminology right now than I ever wanted to.  We answered some questions on the computer, we stared at some light bulbs, and we went back out into the great wide open.

And as a fun bonus, we were all reimbursed with light bulbs.  Not lame light bulbs, but super awesome, coily, long-lasting daylight-recreating light bulbs.  

When I was wrapping up the computer testing portion inside I was given a big blank box of text and asked if I had any feedback for their study.  I began to type away, thinking nothing of leaving a few thoughts behind about the process.  A few moments later, one of the dudes running the gig came over and made a comment about how I “had a lot of feedback”.   I thought that would be a good thing seeing as how these folks are probably going into research for the rest of their lives and might want to consider a few fine details of their setup.  But then I looked at the screen and saw a huge block of text and realized that helpful or not, I sure was writing a lot.  Just like the dude said.

It appears writing a post a day has its side effects. ♣

Tags: 365 Project, blogging, Humor, life, musings, postaday2011

I’ve been trying to ignore this for quite some time, but now it’s getting awkward.

It’s time for me to address the infamous “Versatile Blogger Award”.

I’ve been avoiding this moment mostly because I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel about this whole “give each other awards all willy-nilly”.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m totally flattered to have any award whatsoever.  Someone could send me an envelope in the mail with nothing but glitter inside and a note that says “I think you’re special” and I’d still be 100% grateful.  Mostly because it’s an excuse to use my super awesome new Dyson vacuum, but also because it’s totally awesome for anyone to bestow upon anyone else a token of their adoration no matter how small.

Or how few regulations there are on it.

But at the same time, I’m a woman who appreciates process and efficiency.   And it seems a little, I don’t know – excessive? Let’s discuss the ground rules here, as determined by whomever decided to fashion this super groovy square of pixels and see if it caught on like chain mail.  Which, it did.  Well done, creator of the Versatile Blogger Award.

So here’s the image: 

How it works (for the non-blog readers, as I’m sure 90% of my blogging fan base have received this wildfire award at some point, given the rate at which it spreads) is that someone “nominates” someone else and notifies them on their blog.  In order for that person to accept it, they have to list 7 things about themselves, and then pass it on to 15 other bloggers.

Did you hear that? 15 other bloggers.

I don’t even read 15 blogs.  I don’t.  I have a few well-managed subscriptions and that’s where it ends.  I couldn’t possibly recommend 15 blogs because of all the pressure.  Plus, since the passing on of this award is purely subjective, I could nominate a bunch of crap blogs and it wouldn’t matter if they were crap because they’ll just write 7 things about themselves, and pass on the poo pile to 15 other people.  And I get the idea that it’s supposed to drive traffic for people, but I don’t think that folks are really going to click on 15 links.  They might click on one or two if that’s all that were suggested, but 15 just makes them skip over all of them.

Do you see what kind of monster we’ve created here?

The beauty in this award is that you can’t actually “accept” it unless you pass it along.  And you kind of feel like a big fat jerk not at least mentioning that you’ve received it, even if you don’t really want to take part in passing along a jpg file that has absolutely no regulations whatsoever on the kind of person/writing/website that it ends up on.

I’m not exactly offering up the idea of a committee or voting system – those awards exist and I assume the folks who get them are bathing in blogger fame and fortune.  Or maybe they’re just stoked to put another picture in their sidebar along their Versatile Blogger Award.  I don’t know. 

Anyway, I’ve been blessed by this lovely and apparently controversial-for-me award by no less than four different bloggers.  Four.  Think about that.  Isn’t that crazy?  Shouldn’t there be some system that we can avoid the same person being given more than one of these?  I suppose that system would be to display it on my site, but then I’d be buckling under the pressure, and that’s exactly how chain mail lives on, my friends.

Think about it.

Nonetheless, I’m grateful for this jpg the way I’d be grateful for an envelope of glitter: 100%.  And because these super fantastic folks took time out of their day to bestow it upon me (and in some cases share a few words of kindness about my corner of the Internet), I’d be pleased as pie if you’d pay them a visit.  Because I’m not going to pass this award on to 15 people, most of whom will be willy-nilly. But I can recommend the below blogs because I subscribe to at least one of them. 

I won’t tell you which one.  It will be part of the fun.

So a very sincere thanks to those below and to everyone else who is reading: consider giving these folks some clicky love and figuring out which one/s I subscribe to.

• WhatiMeant2Say
• Missumerica
• SzaboInSlowMo
• Aprill Brandon  

I should also note that I was given the Liebster Award, which looks like this: 

by Phrogmom.  I appreciate the idea of this award a little more (I appreciate being given them both the same – I’m referring to appreciating the existence of the award more) because it has rules.   It’s intended to be given to someone with less than 200 followers but whom the giver believes should have more.  It also only asks that you pass it along to 5 people, which is far more reasonable that 15.

Phrogmom stated when she gave this to me that she didn’t know if I met the requirements, and to be honest I don’t and so I don’t think I’m allowed to legally accept it.  I don’t know how that works.  Can we call Liebster?  

Regardless, I’m flattered as butterfly wings to have so much love and adoration sprinkled down upon this humble blog.  And though my desire for process and efficiency is conflicting with my gratefulness, I sure am eager to hear what other bloggers (or even non-bloggers) think about the idea of chain mail awards.

I’m not going to take a poll this time.  You’ve been great about the polls and I treasure that and promise not to trample my power there.  But if you have a thought, please do share it.  I adore your thoughts oh-so-very-much.

Don’t worry; I won’t let all this fame and glory go to my head and ignore your comments.

I’m all ears.  Sock it to me. ♣

Tags: 365 Project, blogging, Humor, life, musings, postaday2011

I’m going to do it.

I’m going to do it because I have so very few chances to bank on knowing what a post will be about before I write it.  And only a few times in this year of daily blogging have I allowed myself the liberty of posting on the fact that I’m almost done posting. I’ve done a 1/4, 1/3, 1/2, and a 2/3 celebration, which was just last month.  In fact, since it seems so recent ago I was going to forgo a celebratory pause post until I realized this is my last real milestone before the end.

And it doesn’t hurt to post it on Sunday, the day the least amount of people read my blog.  I hope that means you’re all in church.

All.  Day.  Long.

It’s my 3/4 celebration, ya’ll and I’m pretty stoked.  I can’t believe I’ve written 274 posts.  Well, this will make 275.  275 POSTS.  That’s insanity.  I can’t believe I’ve written about two hundred and seventy-five different things.

Actually if you think about it, I only ever really write about office oddities, games, stupid people, and food.  And occasionally I try new things.  That’s pretty much it.  5 categories, 275 rants.  Man, you guys must really wish I’d change it up. 

I have lots of options at this point.   I could list my favorite posts so far (overdone), I could list my least favorite posts so far (absolutely mortifying), or I could just spare you all the recap.  Besides, a lot of you are reading every day.

That blows my mind.  I have pretty consistent numbers.  Aside from my super fantastic subscribers who let me barrage their inbox each and every day with the furies of my mind, I also have a fantastic number of folks who drop in to catch up directly.  And they keep coming back every day.

Except the Lord’s Day.

I know I  mention a lot how my readers are my favorite part of this crazy project, but you really are and I can’t say it enough.  Your comments make me think, crack me up, and lead me to awesome little spots on the Internet that help me learn more.   I’m really still baffled that my reader base has grown so much since the beginning of this all and even if it continues to soar, I will still be grateful for every single one of you who read, comment, or even just drop in on occasion.

I have 100 posts to go before I shut this engine down.  

…or will I?

Thanks for coming along for the ride.  Here’s to the final one hundred. ♣

Tags: 365 Project, blogging, Humor, life, musings, postaday2011

Yesterday I had a staggering piece of information introduced to me via Nina Badzin’s post “Blogging Tips: What I Know Now” (referenced on The Daily Post).  

In her post, Nina states some of the assumptions she had when she first started writing and then writes about how these views have changed in light of her blogging experience.  Here’s the tidbit that had me in a tizzy:

“WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT RESPONDING TO COMMENTS: Readers will return to my blog to see my response.

What I know now: Most do not. “

I’m distraught by this.  Not because I’m upset at the idea that people don’t care what I reply to them, but because I’m upset that I take time to respond to do it if I shouldn’t.  I mean, I reply to every single one.  Sometimes I even check my spam to make sure that no one got blocked that wanted to take a moment out of their day to say hello.  I’m not very good on the turnaround time, but I get to all of them eventually.    Even on Freshly Pressed posts, my friends, I have stayed up all night long just to answer every single little tidbit that everyone dropped by to share.  Really, I do.  Check out the “Top Posts” tab at the top of this page for verification.  It’s important to me to let folks know that I really appreciate the time that they take to read and to drop a line.  

So the idea that this has all been for naught is rather distressing.  I could have been doing so many other things.  Like sleeping.  Or getting in shape.  Or reading a book that would enlighten me to a wisdom beyond my years.  Instead, I spent it toiling away at my computer, thinking up relevant, perky, sometimes clever, but always grateful little responses to each and every smiling face that clicked my link.  On top of writing a post every day.

Totally depressing.

So hey – I’m curious.  Before I go throwing comment responding out the window (it seems wrong to just read, appreciate silently, and not address it), I’d like to get the real scoop.  Do ya’ll ever check back to see if people respond to your comments?  I’m taking a poll.  And the results of that poll shall determine whether the several posts worth of comments I have in my queue are addressed or are simply read and silently appreciated behind the light of my laptop screen. 

It’s anonymous, so don’t worry.  I won’t be sending a crew to your house to take back the hours of time you’ve wasted me if you happen to be a “no-check-backer”.  We’ll still be friends.  I’ll still love you because I have no way of knowing who you are.  

Just give it to me straight: am I wasting my time? ♣

Tags: 365 Project, blogging, Humor, life, musings, postaday2011

I'm suspicious of the universe. ...This is not me. This is a guy in a park making a face that I appreciate. Takeaway: I am not a middle-aged man.

I think the universe has subscribed to my blog.

I’m not really sure which username it’s under, but it’s becoming exceedingly obvious that I am being stalked.  And I’m totally down with it.

You see, it appears that when I pull something from my brain, ball it up into a post of rage, and throw it out into the world, it is answered.  Answered!   I know you don’t believe me.  And that’s totally coolio because I have proof thanks to this handy dandy postaday blog.

Behold the proof:

Exhibit A: I once wrote a post about how I was upset that my favorite ice cream place in the entire city had been replaced by a cryptic sign that said “Coming Soon! Chica Loca Taco!”.  I mourned the loss of a fantastic and popular shop and demeaned the stupidly named store that was replacing it, as if Chica Loca Tacos had something to do with it.  It’s a classic illogical blame switch, courtesy of my brain (you’re welcome).  Shortly thereafter, my favorite ice cream store responded with a comment on my blog that they were moving across town.  And as if that were not enough, my first visit to the shop of deliciousness revealed plans for an authentic pizzeria by the same company name right beside the ice cream stand.

Coincidence? I think not.  This was clearly an example of specified marketing based on social media.

Specifically, my social media. 

Exhibit B: I don’t like work.  Like most people, I’d rather be home in my pajamas, sleeping way too long, making and/or eating excellent food, and watching things that I find to be entertaining. I’d rather be with family and friends and animals.  I’d rather be walking around the middle of the woods pondering the meaning of life.  I’d rather be doing oh-I-don’t-know anything other than working.  It’s the plight of the human condition, apparently.  At any rate the universe heard me.  And on a day when I really wanted to be doing anything other than finishing out the second half of my day, it was announced that our building had to kick over to emergency generators and that I would not be able to work.  I was sent home.  Essentially through the power of wishful thinking, I got an Adult Snow Day.  It was beautiful.

And behold Exhibit C, the most recent development in the case of of universe-stalking-Jackie’s-brain: A Dyson vacuum.  That’s right: A Dyson vacuum.  After dedicating an entire post to my frustration with my vacuum, which clogs so easily with dust and cat hair in its fifteen-foot-long hose that it takes an entire hour and a half to effectively suck even half the grit out of my carpet, there rained down a Woot from Heaven in my favor.

For those of you unfamiliar, woot.com is a website that features a ridiculously awesome daily deal.  Sometimes it’s on something you find useful and sometimes it’s on something that’s totally useless but totally cool.  And yesterday one of my readers (after having read my post of anger and disgust) notified me that the woot.com product of the day was a Dyson vacuum, which regularly retailed for about 500 smackos and was featured on the site for an absurdly low price.  Absurdly low.  Almost heart-attack-inducing.   And in less than two weeks, I will have a beautiful Dyson cuddled up in my closet after using it to put a hurting on my carpet and then breathing the fresh, clean, cat-hair-and-dander free air in my apartment.

Maybe I won’t wake up with congestion anymore.  

Perhaps I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

Regardless, I got about 15 responses through Twitter, Facebook, the blog, and my cell phone telling me that I should hands-down get a Dyson as soon as it’s humanly possible.  And yesterday, the universe made it possible.  It’s stalking me.  And you know, I really don’t mind.  The blogosphere is a strange and powerful force.  

I think three exhibits are enough.  I’m not really sure how many I have to submit or who my jury is, but I can’t imagine what other evidence you could possibly need to conclude that my blog is a universe-changer.

That’s right: A Universe-Changer.  Here’s to pizza and ice cream in the same store, free ‘snow days’, and vacuums that don’t suck.   Or rather, do suck.  In fact, I hear this particular kind doesn’t stop sucking.

Thanks, universe: you’re the best stalker ever.♣

Tags: 365 Project, blogging, Humor, life, musings, postaday2011