Tag Archives: thanksgiving

It Lives.

21 Nov

Hey there, my beautiful ducklings!

Too much? Too much.

Where on earth have I been? Actually, that’s a good question.  An even better question: where on earth have you been? A hermit girl starts a blog to help herwy stop being a hermit, she stops going on adventures, stops posting, and you just go about your day!? I COULD HAVE DIED IN THERE.

“There” being the cocoon I just broke back out of.  I could have died in the cocoon.  I should have mentioned there was a cocoon.  Speaking of cocoons, did it not occur to anyone that I recently posted that I was going to attend a UFO Convention for my next Lollipop Tuesday and then never returned to post about it? I could have been abducted.

Actually, I’m sure that would make for some pretty great material.  

Anyway, I didn’t get abducted and I didn’t even go.  Instead, I started the pathetic and classic Jackie downslide, wherein I stop doing constructive things (posting on blogs, trying new things) and instead do deconstructive things (playing a lot of Fat Princess, eating Cheez-Its).   Anyway, I’m out of it now, no thanks to you.  It’s just guilt that brings me back, not your scores of pleading.  Just pure, unadulterated guilt.  It started as a week I forgot, it went on as a week I intentionally skipped, and before I knew it, BAM – it’s National Blog Posting Month and I have yet to post on my blog.  I haven’t participated in No Shave November either.  No blog and no beard; I have failed you, November in America.

I thought about you all a lot.  I really did.  I thought about you lots of times.  When it was my fourth day unshowered and I caught a whiff of my armpits while watching television, I thought of you. When I attempted to be constructive and try some craft pins on Pinterest and horribly, horribly failed, I thought of you.  When I thought I was gay for Jennifer Lawrence and then didn’t because she said she liked Honey Boo Boo but then did again because she went on Ellen and was perfect, I thought of you. 

look at what you let me become. LOOK AT IT.

So this Thanksgiving, friends, I’m thankful for you.  Thanks for sticking around even when I didn’t bother to visit.  Thanks for subscribing and following, and thanks for letting me come barf all my crazy on you.  You’re the swellest.

Have a Happy Holiday and here’s to firing the blog back up.  Now go eat so much you pass out with your pants unbuttoned. 


Thanksgiving Pseudo-Haikus

24 Nov

In celebration

of this joyous holiday

I wrote bad haikus


Face your food.

I.  “Stuffed”

Losing self-respect

I’m sure the pie is awesome

I just can’t do this.


II. “Baby food”

New babies this year

So hard to resist the urge

to feed them turkey


III. “Saran Wrap”

Take your vitamins

They help with memory loss

and save me store trips


Happy thanksgiving, all. 

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