I’m a Big Ol’ Lesbian

25 Feb

Today, my blog is my confessional.

I’m not Catholic, but that’s probably best. I doubt there are any priests who read my blog anyway.  Not after the Vagina Dentata post.

The other night, Dave and I were talking about his “Special Skills”, which is a set of fun little extras at the bottom of an Acting Resume that you hope someone calls you out on in the audition room.  Specifically, we were working through his impressions  – which to date include Zapp Brannigan , Tony the Tiger, Jack Nicholson, Matthew Mcconaughey, and Roger Rabbit.  He does a fabulous Roger Rabbit.   And so of course we got talking about Jessica Rabbit, because it’s impossible to mention Roger without his ridiculously hot human counterpart.   I added to the conversation that I had just seen the sexiest digital rendering of her online the other day.

And that’s when Dave casually mentioned that part of being in love with me is accepting that I’m a bit of a lesbian for Jessica Rabbit.

At first, this claim struck a strange chord in me.    But not because I disagreed.  I totally agree.  I’ll say it loud and proud: I’m a total lesbo for Jessica Rabbit.  Who wouldn’t be?  She’s bangin’ enough to make my grandmother get down with her lady-lovin’ self.    She’s got long red hair, a stick-thin waist paired with a completely unrealistic hip and chest size, and her boobs are so enormous that they’re spilling everywhere and always running into something.

I don’t care who you are – that’s hot.

So yes, I lean a little toward the gay side when confronted by an uber fabulous cartoon sex icon.  It’s not my fault – she comes from Toon Town and her powers are not of this world.

The strange chord Dave’s comment struck in me is that this truth was something he had to accept about me.  As if it were something I wore on a t-shirt that could have been a dealbreaker had he not chosen early on to take it as his burden.

His doe-eyed, smoky-voiced, patty-cake-playing burden.

Of course now he might be able to make the t-shirt argument because I did just announce this to the world here in this moment.  But you know what? I’ve been announcing a lot of things to the world these past two months and it turns out that  a lot of you are thinking the same things.  You’re just not saying all of them because you aren’t forced into a self-made contract to post goop from your brain to a public forum every day.

So I’ve spared you all the time and effort.  You don’t have to think this up yourself – you can just chime in and support me.

Because she’s an irresistable vixen and you know it.

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4 Responses to “I’m a Big Ol’ Lesbian”

  1. egills February 25, 2011 at 9:32 am #

    Ha ha.. She is, I agree with you. And having watched a docu on how they came up with her design I’m thinking everyone will agree with you.

    Like

    • Jackie February 26, 2011 at 10:18 am #

      ooooh i wanna see it – have any more info on that?

      Like

  2. jaredblakedicroce February 25, 2011 at 12:40 pm #

    I became a man when i saw that movie as a kid. Take that as you will, but I’m still in love today 🙂

    Like

    • Jackie February 26, 2011 at 10:19 am #

      Everyone either becomes a man or a lesbian. I’ m convinced of it. 😉

      Like

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