There Is No Easter Bunny and There Are No Easter Lists

23 Apr

It has recently come to my attention that there are people in the world who encourage their children to create “Easter Lists”.

I am enraged by this.

It’s difficult enough to explain how Christian holidays got bastardized by Pagan beliefs and how we now have a strange mesh of  secular/Christian holidays wherein we go to church Christmas Eve and sing Christmas carols and then wake up the next morning and thank Santa for giving us all the material things we ever wanted.    And now, as if explaining how a bunny lays eggs and then runs around America hiding them in fields and baskets everywhere wasn’t hard enough, we ‘ve decided to throw an Easter list in there too.  Eventually, the resurrection of Christ will be completely in the background and all children will think about is how it’s okay if Santa doesn’t give them what they want at Christmas because the Easter Bunny will pick up where he left off.

Can you imagine what sort of monsters this will create?  Once every 6 months, children will draft a list of demands, pin it on a holiday, and wait for their materialistic dreams to come true.  

I decided long ago that I wouldn’t put up the Santa facade with my kids (when I have some).  I’ll tell them who he is and about the legend, but I refuse to have him be the focus of the season.  

With this recent “Easter List” discovery, I will now have to kill the Easter Bunny for them as well.  My children will know about it, but they’ll also know how freaking stupid it is to think a bunny lays eggs.  Quite frankly, I don’t understand how children can get their pictures taken with Mall Easter Bunnies and not be deathly afraid.

A 6 foot tall bipedal rabbit that dresses in human clothes is surely something to fear.

File:Calgary Zoo Easter Bunny 2.jpg

Absolutely terrifying.

So listen – I’m sorry if someday your kids run into mine and mine give them a rundown on the facts of life.  I’m pretty sure it will be something or other about no Santa Claus, followed by crying, then something or other about no Easter Bunny, followed by your child telling the teacher about my child.   I’m sorry in advance – you should probably just go ahead and tell your kids now before I decide to have kids, rear them in my ridiculous ways, and then send them to inform yours.

I’ll see you in the principal’s office. 



21 Responses to “There Is No Easter Bunny and There Are No Easter Lists”

  1. thesinglecell April 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    Well, now I have to refer you to my rant on this subject. Forgive the appearance of a shameless, albeit also profitless, plug; my intention is really just to share in the ranting…

    I don’t understand how the Creepster Bunny has continued to exist, given the fact that so many of us find him terrifying. And I, too, hate the idea of Easter gifts. You get candy, you get eggs. And you’ll like it.


    • Robin Waller April 23, 2011 at 12:59 pm #

      Grandma (if I am lucky) will tell the kids Mommy is correct about the true meaning of Christmas, Santa lives in your heart and dreams, and the Easter Bunny is a gimmick people made up to make money and sell things and if they see a 6 foot rabbit they should shoot it on sight, but not until they are at least 8!


      • Jackie April 23, 2011 at 1:06 pm #

        You’ve got a looooong time to wait, but I’m totally cool with you telling the kids they can murder Mall Easter Bunnies. I’ll just have to check with my theater friends and make sure none of them are doing Mascot work in the area first 😉


    • Jackie April 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm #

      Ah – plug forgiven because said plug is amusing, and pertinent and well done. Bravo!


  2. Seasweetie April 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    Oh, for crying out loud. I haven’t heard of this and now that I have, I am disgusted. It’s yet another sign of the demise of spirituality in our society (and I am NOT a religious person). Apparently, we are teaching our kids that THINGS are of primary importance, and cynical me can’t see it getting any better. Ick.


    • Jackie April 23, 2011 at 1:04 pm #

      Oh man – I hope it gets better. Unfortunately, we have to endure the Generation of the Self-Entitled before we can rear The Minimalists.


      • Jules April 23, 2011 at 1:36 pm #

        Two potential blog post ideas in one comment. Hmm… hmm?


      • audrey April 25, 2011 at 1:14 pm #

        haha. rear.


  3. Posky April 23, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    I’m going to poison a few chocolate eggs and then hide them in the yard. When my (hypothetical) children find and eat them, they’ll get sick. They will have learned a valuable lesson about not eating candy you found on the ground AND won’t be so bummed out when I break the news to them that it’s all a sham.


    • Jackie April 23, 2011 at 12:58 pm #

      LOL I love it when people leave comments that make me laugh out loud. Thank you so much for sharing.


  4. Jules April 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm #

    Easter lists??? WTF?! Since when? Commercialism is out of control.

    Dear Parents,

    Do your jerbs! Senseless gifting and giving creates entitled brats. You don’t have to be religious to teach the greater meaning of things in the world. You just have to take the time to raise your kids.

    Best Regards,


    • Jackie April 23, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

      Hear, hear!


  5. KristenSays April 23, 2011 at 2:19 pm #

    OK that “bunny” is Freaking Me Out. he looks like he’s trying to do some voodoo hex. good thing he doesn’t actually have fingers.

    i haven’t heard of an Easter list either, but i’ll have to ask my friends with kids if they do this. normally, the minute they start talking about their kids i put my fingers in my ears and sing “la la la” at the top of my lungs. but if i can bring myself to listen to their answer, i’ll let you know what i find out.

    i have to go gather the eggs from my bunny pen now…

    p.s. i’m pretty sure an egg-laying bunny was picked because an Easter Chicken would be Much scarier…


    • Jackie April 25, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

      Please let me know what you gather. And I don’t know if a chicken would be much scarier. I’d have to see some drafts.


  6. Ro April 23, 2011 at 9:09 pm #

    So I was listening to the radio today and a commercial came on that said something along these lines… “Easter isn’t just about eggs, it’s also about saving!” …like, saving money. At the grocery store. My jaw hit the ground. Um. No. Easter isn’t about eggs, dumbass. And it’s definitely not about savings. What crazy advertising jerk out there thought that this commercial was at ALL a good idea? What a bunch of buttheads…


    • Jackie April 25, 2011 at 10:24 pm #

      Yes. Butt words. YES.


  7. Lori April 24, 2011 at 9:25 am #

    Sam was that kid that told his classmates that there’s no such thing as Santa Claus. Just sayin’ 🙂


    • Jackie April 25, 2011 at 10:23 pm #

      I’ll bet he did. And not even in a malicious way – just in a casual “thought you should know” way.


      • Lori April 26, 2011 at 6:33 am #

        Apparently, he asked some kid who gave him a toy for Christmas and the kid told him it was Santa. He replied, “who really gave it to you?”

        Also, in Kindergarten, he got in trouble for coloring Santa Claus with a black beard. Poor kid.


  8. Taylor April 26, 2011 at 7:23 pm #

    Umm… I believe I requested a shout out on this one… ?


    • Jackie April 26, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

      In my defense, I wrote it before the request. But yes – all hail Taylor, Facebook updater that spawned the above post.

      They’ll hail you – just give them time.


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