The Best Diet Plan Ever

6 Nov

This plan replaces my former plan, which was staring at pictures of the morbidly obese.

I’ve found the best diet trick ever.

Really, like, the best.   I shouldn’t even tell you about it because it’s out-of-control effective and I could market it for millions and live off the money from your soon-to-be-skinny behinds for the rest of my life.

But you read my blog, and I believe that from time to time that should be rewarding for you in some way (speaking of which, yes, I’m still cooking macaroni and cheese from The Great Macaroni and Cheese Adventure; winner is to be announced after my belly is full of about 5 more pounds of pasta).  

I’ve been doing this thing called “watch absolutely disgusting food documentaries”.  For some strange reason I’ve become obsessed with learning more about the state of the food in our country and I’m allowing myself to be subjected to revealing, inside looks at the state of food made in a country based on capitalism, and let me tell ya: it’s totally gross.

Like, totally gross.

Anything that can make me put the cheeseburger I’m cooking as I watch the documentary back in the fridge when I’m done is a powerful potion indeed.

So it goes like this: just eat what you already eat, and do what you already do.  But every few days, sit down and give your undivided attention to a food documentary like Food, Inc. or Fast Food Nation or Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.   Settle in and watch where your food comes from and it will stick with you when you reach for your next meal.  Or when you consider what you had earlier that day.

At least, it’s totally working for me.  Unintentionally, but I’ll take it.  I really was just curious to watch and learn but in the past two weeks, I am finding it incredibly difficult to eat things that I know are super gross now that their super grossness has been revealed to me.

I could probably package this into some sort of viewing plan that best suits itself to the slow, terrifying realization that your food is disgusting and killing you. It’s the perfect plan for America: you can do everything the same, except you have to watch movies.  I could market it so easily; people love weight loss plans that don’t require them to do anything.  Doing that and adding more movie-watching time has got to be an enormous stroke of genius that will have me stockpiling gold bars for my wit.

Or I hope so anyway; I only have about 60 more days for this blog to pay off and that’s not shaping up to be a solid retirement plan anytime soon.


14 Responses to “The Best Diet Plan Ever”

  1. Jules November 6, 2011 at 2:05 pm #

    I love those documentaries. It really opens your eyes to what the food industry is trying to hide. More people should watch these.

    Also, could you imagine what that folding chair would have to say if it had a mouth? It’s cringe worthy.


    • Jackie November 11, 2011 at 1:03 am #

      LOL Jules. Yes, loving them as well – hey if you know of any good ones, pass them along.


  2. Anita S November 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm #

    I like your plan! Only, you will have to dress it up with some kind of special exercise, food, or spiritual practice to be able to make money with it. Otherwise it’s too easy. 😉
    I am heading off right now to look up those programs!


    • Jackie November 11, 2011 at 1:02 am #

      woohoo! let me know if it changes what you eat the next day 🙂 I’ll come up with a sassy name for the plan in the meantime.


  3. debra mckune November 6, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

    Thanks — I think?!


    • Jackie November 11, 2011 at 1:02 am #

      oh you’re so welcome 😛


  4. kitchenmudge November 7, 2011 at 2:33 pm #

    Maybe you already discovered it, but I collected a bunch of bad food & drink videos some time ago. Maybe you’ll find some of them useful.

    Scroll to the bottom of my link collection:


    • Jackie November 11, 2011 at 1:00 am #

      ooooh no, I hadn’t – thanks!


  5. pegoleg November 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm #

    I DON’T want to know (sticking fingers in ears.) La la la la! I can’t HEAR you.


    • Jackie November 11, 2011 at 12:59 am #

      you don’t have to hear me. you can just roll around in the joy of your recent weight loss.

      but seriously, watch one and see if it affects what you put in your mouth the day after. 😛


  6. wordsweneversaid November 7, 2011 at 10:28 pm #

    I have watched some of them – but *shy* I already knew a lot of the stuff already.

    From the late 80’s to the late 90’s I was a vegan (till ’96) vegetarian (till 2000) and an ovo/lacto vegetarian until 2006 (began to add free range chicken and small amounts of hand raised halal sources after 2006)

    I am a Peta kid and watched every documentary I could lay my eyes on back then.

    I recently (well – two years ago – I am not a regular TV viewer at all) watched ‘supersize me’ and was – understandably grossed out…

    My diet became very simple after a while – if it isn’t something you have to kill – it won’t kill you.



    • Jackie November 11, 2011 at 12:56 am #

      Wooow you’re a lifer. I didn’t make it very long, but while I was rocking vegetarianism, I was more slender than I ever have been. Even in high school (except when I had mono)


  7. Michelle November 9, 2011 at 3:32 am #

    It’s thank to you, Jackie, that I’m a vegan. I read on your blog, a while back, about you reading the book “Skinny Bitch.” I had a peruse, which lead me to reading other books, documentaries like Earthlings and the ones you mentioned, and I’ve been vegan for 6 months. I’ve never felt better. 🙂


    • Jackie November 11, 2011 at 12:35 am #

      I didn’t make it to the vegan part. I only got to the vegetarian part. I was endlessly harassed by my family but I was in the best shape I’ve ever been. I only made it to thanksgiving dinner :/

      I pine for those days sometimes – it was so simple to be slender.

      I can’t believe reading my blog made you a vegan! That’s so flattering. GO YOU.


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