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How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?

Photo by smemon87. Click photo to check out their Flickr Photostream.

I want a dog so badly.

I do – I can’t get them out of my head. I used to have limits: I couldn’t admire any dog that was smaller than my runt of a Labrador retriever I had several years ago. But lately, I don’t care – I’ll take anything. Poodles, Bulldogs, even Pugs – the ugliest of the ugly are adorable in my fantasy world of being a dog-owner.

I can’t possibly take care of a dog at this point in my life. Let’s face it – it’s all I can do to feed and bathe myself every day, let alone throw some food in the cat dishes and give them both a little pat and some laser-pointer-funtime-extravaganza. I couldn’t possibly have a puppy – I’m gone for too many hours of the day and with my inconsistent theater schedule, it’s absolutely impossible to set up times to care for said puppy with any degree of regularity. So I can’t have a dog. I’ve mused about ways to get around this fact in my post Puppy Amusement Parks, but I don’t know that I’m in a position to throw all my hopes and dreams on a theme park for pets.

As a result, I’ve begun to stalk them.

One of my favorite things about springtime is all the dogs that are out. After a stressful 5 o’clock rush, I can always trust that when I make it to my neighborhood, everyone will be out getting their dogs some fresh air after being cooped up inside all day. There are pups of all shapes and sizes and I’ve grown to love them all.

Yesterday I went for a walk and found myself behind a beautiful, super excited dog and I got out my camera and recorded it. Like some kind of pet paparazzi. I don’t know what I thought I was doing. They just give me so much joy and I was so incredibly amused by him that I thought I’d take a video of how adorable his wagging tail was.

I think he felt dirty because he stopped and sat shortly thereafter, staring at me.

I don’t think I can satisfy my dog lust by going around and recording run-ins with other people’s pups. I’m going to have to actually find a way to satiate this desire so that I don’t become some sort of strange dog stalker.

I guess since I have one on video, I’ve already crossed that line.

I thought I might be able to fill the void with another cat, but my cats are crazy enough and two is plenty. They won’t keel over until I’m about 35, so I’ve got a while to go before I go commit to another. I wouldn’t want to start a collection or anything.

There’s gotta be some way to deal with this without acquiring another animal. I’ll figure it out. If I can’t get anyone to buy in to my Puppy Amusement Park idea, I’ve gotta come up with something fast. Like dog-sitting perhaps. Actually, that sounds stressful. Maybe I can just move to a ranch and have all the animals I want. I’ll work the land and live the good life, free from the soul-sucking chains of corporate America. Yeah, that sounds awesome. I’ll get on that right away.

One ranch full of dogs, coming right up. ♣

Tags: 365 Project, dogs, Humor, life, musings, pets, postaday2011

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My New Pet Mouse

3 Feb

: Meet Moe.

Yesterday, I shamefully broke my boycott of Starbucks and was rewarded with a mouse.

An adorable mouse. An I’ll-pick-you-up-and-take-you-home-and-love-you-forever mouse.

I did not, however, pick it up, take it home, and love it forever.

After a rather challenging day, I decided that I was going to take a lunch, thank you very much. …And have phones forwarded to my cell… And on the way out the door of Starbucks, I was greeted by the mouse of topic. Let’s call him Moe.

It’s hard to explain in words how I could have seen a mouse on my way out that was not outside and yet not inside Starbucks. There’s sort of a door-within-a-door situation and so I’ve decided to draw an amateur map for your amusement and ridicule.

I appear to be almost as large as the fireplace. This is not to scale.

So you can see now that I exited the first door and was on my way to open the second door when Moe came into my life. I attempted to persuade him to come with me. I was convinced that he would be a great addition to my life in the corporate jungle. I could keep him in my drawer with my cereal bars.

I’ll bet Moe likes cereal bars.

I tried to shoo him out, as opposed to in (for when in, surely he would die) but he was afronted by the cold, windy air of the city and refused to move. And I really couldn’t blame him.

So with broken heart in hand (and not mouse), I exited the door and embarked on the woeful journey back to work. I accidentally took the long way back because all I could do was I was think of the Moe Man.

Here’s to you, Moe Man. I could have had a wonderful life with you at the office. But this is for the best, as our relationship could have never gone beyond an office affair. I could have never taken you home to Dave because he constantly worries about me just bringing things home I find on the street. It’s a frequent problem.

And besides: suffering from obesity or not, my cats would put a whoopin’ on you.

Make yourself a home in the awkward space between two doors. I’d advise you to avoid the pastries; they look better than they taste. But most importantly of all,

Live Long and Prosper. ♣